How often do you lose?
by loversrebellion
Summary: Cat realizes what she has done is wrong. But will she do more wrong or do something right for once? Sequel to I'm losing you.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: I wonder...if I can win her back

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious but I really think I should..

Cat's POV

Walking home, beaten, limping, and bleeding I pretty sure I deserve this too. My bruised arms crossed I see I car pulling up beside me in the corner of my eye. The lights flash my eyes as I turn around to see who it is. "Cat what happened?" I familiar voice asks my but I can't see their face my eyes are blinded. I raise my hand to face, covering my eyes trying to see. "Oh, sorry" the voice apologizes making their way to their car turning off the car lights. "Trina?" I whisper with doubt "yeah it's me what happened to you?" she asks taking small steps closer to me. I back away though for some reason I am scared. "Cat, I am not going to hurt you" she whispers. "How can I trust you?" I ask, afraid she reaches for my hand. But I push it away 'I will break your fucking heart like I broke your sisters if you don't back the fuck away from me.' My normal brain is begging me to tell her and I try but all that comes out is.

"Trina, Tori and Jade beat me" at least that's good enough. But I still have feelings for Tori I might be a over controlling heartbreaking bitch but that doesn't mean I can't feel love. "What?" Trina says with surprised anger in her voice. But if I am going to get Tori back I am going to have to act like the Cat I made her I believe I was I have to act like the real Jade. "Trina please don't get mad, it's Ok, really" I whisper letting her grab my hand. I twitch at first I am really not the type to hold hands or any other romantic stuff. She nods and walks me to the car, opening the door for me as I limp in. When she closes the door I see her look at me with care and sympathy. And for the first time I feel so wrong, so guilty I finally realize what I did was wrong. But I can't stop now because that's just not who I am.

I have lied to a lot of people like I broke Beck and Jade up. To have both of them then I broke both of their hearts. I didn't feel bad at all because I have always been selfish. Or when I made Robbie believe that Trina loved him then I pretended I did. I broke him as well but it's not always fun to break someone. Like when Tori was trembling under me tonight before Jade came. The fear I saw in her eyes actually made me feel something. My heart warmed and I tingled inside. "Cat what's on your mind?" Trina asks looking at me while starting the car. "Us, I am glad you are here for me." She reaches over and pats my hand. Before taking her hand back and start to drive off. Trina isn't that self centered as people make her seem if she was she would have just drove right past me.

"Thanks, Trina" I say nonchalantly looking out the window. She just whispers "your welcome" the rest of the ride is quiet I don't know where she is taking me but it's not towards my house. I see street light flash behind me "Trina where are we going? You are driving fast." I quickly look at her and see her hands tighten around the wheel as her phone buzzes. "Trina you want to me get that? Are you Ok?" I ask nearly choking on my words 'my does it matter? why do you care?' my thought ask me over and over in my head. Trina's foot presses harder on the gas pedal. And we almost hit a car that just pops up in front of us. Trina steps on the brake forcefully making the seat belt yank me back. I didn't even realize I had one one Trina must of buckled me up.

"Trina!" I scream angrily I want to know what the fuck her problem is. Trina's eyes water I can tell by the way the street lights hit them. "Trina?" I ask quickly unbuckling my seat belt. I look at her phone and I see Andre's name. "Trina?" I keep saying until she starts to whisper "Andre cheated on me with some girl from Northridge." I feel bad for some reason I normally don't feel sympathy, not at all really. "Trina you deserve better anyway" I say trying my best to comfort her. I unbuckle her seat belt and reach to hug her and she lowly hugs me back. When she pulls away I kiss her, with passion because I feel that we both need it and want it. She kisses my back grabbing me hard but I like it. I was never the soft type I was just really good at acting like I was. Finally after I while I pull away from her and sit back in my seat, buckling back up. She just buckles back up to and starts the car back up. We drive away without another word.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Not the boss of me...I do what I want.

Disclaimer: Do I own Victorious?..No. Could I win it?.. Probably not.

"Here we are" Trina says pulling up in front of my house. A part of me doesn't want her to leave "Trina? Can you stay here with me?" she looks at me and turns the car off. "Yeah sure" she answers getting out of the car swinging her keys in circles with a confused look on her face. "I...I just don't want to be alone right now" I whisper innocently and grab her hand. A part of me feels that I need to pretend to be innocent Cat for her. But the other part is just begging me to fuck her then make her leave. I walk her into the house slowly but she is just staring at the ground. She is heartbroken anyone could see that. Once we are in the house I walk her to my upstairs to my room and sit her on my bed. She rushes right back up as soon as her butt hits the bed.

"What?" I ask "does your body still hurt?" she just asks, looking at me, with pain in her eyes but a lot of care. I nod a little, she points to my bed and I walk over to it without a sound. "So what do you want me to do?" she asks but I can't help but think naughty. "Come over here" I say and she lifts her head to look my way, her eyes darkening. I spread my legs and motion her to come over, between me. And she does, once she is between my legs, standing up she looks down at me. I put my arms around her waist waiting for her to make the next move and I never wait in sex.

"Make me feel better please, Trina" I whisper in a convincing voice. 'Am I going to break her after I'm done or stay with her and help her heal.' My head asks myself but I don't know I really don't. Trina slightly pushes my back to the bed with my hands still on her waist. She is going slow I normally don't like slow, at all. I like hard and fast but she is going soft and slow, it's torturing me. Trina pushes her knee between my legs and it makes me gasp. I see her face with no expression but care and lust, but why care? is that why she is doing soft and slow, or is this just how she haves sex? I keep asking myself when I should be asking her.

Trina presses her knee, deeper between me as she lowers her body to touch mine. She kisses my neck and I am already soaked. But she stops when she hears her phone ring and gets off of me. "Hello" she says, answering the phone. "Trina where are you?, get away from Cat, now if you are with her!" I hear Tori's voice scream into the phone. "Why!" Trina screams back "I regret never telling you this but Cat is a heartbreaking bitch she tried to rape me tonight. That's why we beat her I am pretty sure she already told you. She is not the innocent girl that she seems Trina she will fucking break you. Stay away from her." After Tori is done talking Trina hangs up and drops the phone, looking at me with anger and her eyes the care is gone but the lust stayed there.

"Trina" I whisper still lying on the bed "fuck you liar" she yells out, climbing back on top of me. "If you fucking broke my sister I will break you." she shout, ripping my shirt off but for some reason it isn't pleasing I actually wanted her to go slow. I want the care for me to come back to her. I want her to make me feel like I was actually more than a heartbreaking bitch like she just was. "Trina please" I beg like Tori did I guess this is just karma. Trina digs her nails down my body, dragging down to my jeans. "Please, Trina" I shout "shut the fuck up, slut!" she scream at me and it hurts. I am starting to feel new emotions I have never felt before. "Trina" I say one last time and she jumps off.

"Cat I...I" Trina whispers with pain before running out of my room. Leaving me here lying on my bed with my shirt torn. My body trembling my mind scared. She made me feel something other than hate, jealousy, or lust. But what was it other than fear. My heart pounding fast as I get up looking outside my window, seeing her drive off is hurts worst than Tori kneeing me in the gut, but why?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: What is this...feeling?

Disclaimer: Nothing to own here but the story

A/N: Song used- The XX- Infinity

I look and I realize she left her phone I pick it up and roll it back and forth in my palm. Wishing she was still here wishing that I wasn't who I am. I dial Tori's number and she answers "Trina, are you Ok!" she shouts into the phone. "Yeah" I answer and I hear her gasp when she realizes it's my voice. "Vega, why? I'm fucking sorry Ok, I think I love your sister just please tell her that when she gets home." Tori screams "I don't trust you I am never falling for that again!" "Vega please!" I yell. "That's what I said before you tried to rape me, I said please Cat. If it wasn't for Jade you probably would have anyway." I hang up and let tears fall down my cheeks.

"I never meant to" I whisper to myself. Looking through the contacts, seeing Andre's name I call him. "Hello, Trina, I'm so sorry" he sobs. "It's not Trina it's Cat" I whisper, feeling like I have no strength anymore. "Give the phone to Trina, please" he pleads I say "she left her phone here, I am just calling you to tell you. You broke her fucking heart." I say smoothly with weak anger. "I am going to break you now" I whisper, hanging up. I walk into my bathroom slowly and look at myself. Maybe I am turning to innocent fake Cat.

I put the phone down on the counter and wash my face off. I wash away all the tears, sweat, blood. I strip my clothes and look at my body. I don't feel my normal self. I jump in the shower turning on the very cold water. So cold, letting myself freeze. I sing to myself.

"_After all the time, After you,Had you seen me with someone new,Hanging so high for your return,But the stillness is a burn._

_Had I seen it in your eyes, There'd have been no try after try, Your leaving had no goodbye, Had I just seen one in your eyes_

_I can't give it up, To someone elses touch, Because I care too much, I can't give it up, To someone elses touch, Because I care too much._

_Could you tell, I was left lost and lonely, Could you tell, Things ain't worked out my way._

_Wish the best for you, Wish the best for me, Wished for infinity, If that ain't me._

_Give it up,I can't give it up, Give it up,I can't give it up._

_I can't give it up, To someone elses touch, Because I care too much. I can't give it up, To someone elses touch, Because I care too much._

_Give it up, I can't give it up. Give it up, I can't give it up. Give it up, I can't give it up. Give it up, I can't give it up. Give it up, I can't give it up. Give it up, I can't give it up. Give it up, I can't give it up. Give it up, I can't give it up."_

I get out the shower and get dressed. I grab Trina's phone and head outside. I am ready to break more hearts. Make them broke like mine. I walk to Andre's house car lights flashing beside me. Not even bothering to look. I arrive at Andre's house and he's on his front porch, smoking. I didn't know he smoked. "Andre" shout when I get close enough. "Yeah" he whispers looking up at me. "I fucking hate you, and myself let's die together." I say walking closer but he doesn't show any sign of fear which pisses me off. When I get close enough to him I take the cigarette out of his hand and press it deep into my arm.

I show no sign of pain, once I take it off my arm. I throw it to the ground and stomp on it. "That cigarette symbols you, you hurt Trina, my arm. I kill you." I say he nods pulling out a knife and says "well it's plain to see you love her too. So let's fight over her. I have nothing else to live for." I say " I fucking don't live for anyone I die for them. And yes I do love Trina, and I am willing to take your challenge.

Before he try to stab me, Trina is behind us, shaking. I turn around and whisper to her "Trina I am not the innocent Cat everyone thought I was. And I have broke a lot of people, I have been a bitch. I have never loved, but you are an exception. I am willing to die for you." She shakes her head and starts crying. I run to hug her and whisper "I am sorry Trina" I realize that Jade, Tori, Beck, and Robbie are getting out of Trina's car. "Cat" they all say and I am scared. Trina looks at my, grabbing my hand. She whispers "Cat I am willing to give you another chance."

I lay my head on her shoulder and cry "thank you, so much Trina, thank you!" Everyone is staring at me with surprise that I could actually feel love. Because all of these people, I have broke all of them I have hurt all of them and I'm so sorry. "I'm sorry for hurting all of you, and I know I don't deserve, your pity or sympathy. Trust me I don't want it but I do wish that some day all you will forgive me. Everyone just nods and gets back in the car. "Trina" I whisper "I just want all of us to have a fresh start. I want us all to be happy." She smiles and says to me "we will Cat we will."

I smile back happy that I actually feel something now. Happy that I have a chance to change because who I was was unhappy. That's why I always broke hearts because my heart was broken too. I wasn't happy at all and I thought breaking people would make me happier but it never did it just broke me more. And I would just act like a bitch to blow it off but now it has caught up to me. I turn around to face Andre and he drops his knife and smiles a kind smile.

No this isn't happy ending, no I can't say that. Maybe we will never be happy but at least we can always try._  
><em>


End file.
